Reflections on Racism

I'm currently enrolled in a class called Multicultural Counseling. Initially, the fact I had to take this class annoyed me because almost every counseling course so far has mentioned an aspect of multiculturalism. I get it, I get it. We have differences, respect it, get to know it, moving on...

So far, however, I have learned a lot about myself. Despite the fact I consider myself progressive in how I approach others who act or believe differently than me, a recent assignment made me aware that I (believe it or not) have been an ageist. I actually had a subconsciousness social awkwardness to people over the age of 80. My reasoning? They felt completely foreign. I talked to them like I was talking to a child (old=feeble minded). I was surprised when they had liberal opinions (old=conservative). I didn't share all of my thoughts and feelings (old=closed-minded).

This got me thinking: What exactly makes someone prejudice? I have family members who use racist slang in private to describe bad characters, but when they come into contact with people of other nationalities, color, etc, they almost always judge the person by their actions. This I do not consider prejudice (albeit the language choice is foolish).

Then there are those who are politically correct, but when in the presence of certain differences, let those differences take precedence over getting to know the person themselves. They react defensively, do not listen to what the person is saying, do not give the benefit of the doubt. This, is prejudice. I am going to assume we have all done this from time to time.

Then there are those that both walk the nasty walk and talk the nasty talk.

Which led me to my next thought: What is the damage of prejudice? Why even care? For those who haven't experienced much of it (like myself) the impact may not be obvious, and from time to time the thought has crossed my mind that we all need to be strong in ourselves and not subject to public opinion. To an extent I think this is true, Jesus says "Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come" but he followed it quickly with, "but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves" (Luke 17:2-3, NIV).

We read and hear about how hurtful it is, unkind, and demeaning. But there are particular illustrations that have brought the damage of prejudice to my heart and I wanted to share for reflection.Take these excerpts from a story Culture Identity: Life Stories for Counselors and Therapists. The woman's name is Julie, a 30-year old African American woman living in the United States:

"I often dreamed of traveling and seeing all the places White people came from. It's funny--visiting Africa never entered my mind until high school. During my search for an identity as a young girl, I remember hating to go get my hair done... I always felt I was being tortured and talked about. I have very thick, coily hair, and it was the topic of many discussions. My 'bad' hair was difficult and hard to manage, and I was often teased about cutting it off. Although I never said anything, this early experience made me feel I should have been born White." (p. 12)

"Did only White families have faithful husbands who took care of their families and loving and devoted wives? Was it a Black woman's fate to raise her children alone and to bear them outside of marriage (there sure were a lot of single female parents at church)? Why was I not considered beautiful, and because of my appearance, would I ever meet someone who would love me and think I was beautiful?" (p. 14)

"In some of my daydreams, my hair was a bouncy, wavy texture, and my skin was much lighter. I was considered beautiful, and all of the men--White and Black and everything else--thought I was the most beautiful woman they had ever met. See; I knew I was Black, but I hated everything about being Black. I hated the way Black people spoke, and I hated the way they laughed and drank and looked. I hated that they all didn't want to do better, wouldn't go to school, didn't find jobs, had unprotected sex, and so on. I didn't realize it, but I hated me." (p. 14-15)

The other exercise that touched me deeply was the following video we had to watch for class:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/divided/

My point for sharing these is the hope that people (including myself) will think of the ripples we send out every time we speak. If you are one of those who carelessly use their words, please think about the small girl who wonders if anyone will ever find her beautiful. For those who unconsciously avoid people groups because of discomfort, challenge yourself, be the change you wish to see. For those who are hurt and want someone to blame, do not let superficial differences be your indicator, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

A list of things I wish were different about myself:

1.       That I were more humble

I annoy myself with my impulse to have last words, and know all the things.

2.       That I would be dependable

I was born with an almost complete insensitivity to plans and the importance of being on time.

3.       That I could give convincing compliments

I rarely believe anymore I can say something nice and sound sincere, I am much more fluent in sarcasm.

4.       That I didn’t have anxiety attacks over unimportant things

Talking to people. Calling customer service.  Making eye contact.

5.       That I didn’t watch so much t.v.

Always in the background, it has become a dear but obnoxious friend.

6.       That I answered the phone more often

Because of #4 I sometimes don’t answer the phone (especially if I haven’t been praying).

7.       That I picked up the phone to call more often

I always appreciate the good conversation afterword.

8.       That I could get angry (and not sin)

Some people get angry all over the place, other people get angry and don’t know where to put it.

9.       That I chose the awkward conversation over the stale relationship

Has to do with #4 and #8.

10.   That I not talk about minor successes as though they were conclusions

“Take heed those who stand…”

Just felt like sharing, mostly to help with #1 and unspoken #11 (finishing projects I start)

The end!

I am Excited.

In two days it will be my and my husband's two year anniversary. The original plan was to take a four day weekend camping trip to McCall where we would fish and celebrate the frugal life by preparing our own food and letting the moutain air remind us of why we are such a good couple: we both enjoy being somewhere else as long as it's together. Plans went askew, however, when we realized just how frugal we would have to be (to the point of smothering the fun out of it) and just how difficult it was to navigate the mountains with all the wildfires running rampant. Add to that I'm 33 weeks pregnant today...

Instead a new opportunity popped up. I remembered that the Western Idaho Fair was this weekend and have wanted to go every year since we've gotten married--including the year we got married. Why not this year?? So I began my fervant planning. Buying advance tickets, looking up the events taking place on different days. I believe we're going to go two whole days so that we can walk around the entire place ten times and eat too much food that hurts my stomach, and overall have a blast.

I am excited.

On top of that I was thinking to myself whilst planning, wouldn't it be fun if there was a place we could stay in the area for free? I used to house-sit frequently but I couldn't think of anyone that I could kick out of their house in time. Not even two hours later a friend of mine starts texting me about how stressful her week was going to be, she had to work many hours and also had agreed to dog sit for someone; just how was she going to stay sane? Oh my, thought me, this could be perfect. So I tentatively presented her with a solution: Jose and I could help with the dog sitting (if it were ok with everyone involved) and she could have a break while helping us out. Long story short she poked around and figured out it was ok, and we were set! We arrived today and while the place isn't a luxurious resort it IS somewhere other than home and it is comfortable. Plus the dog is way cute.

How excited I am.

In other news in the span of a week I decided I was going to grad school.

Yay!

Tidbits and details will leak out as time goes by, but for now I'll say that I can go through my first Masters program guilt free knowing that jobs will be available to be on the other side. And all this was pieced together through a series of fortuitous events that I had no way of knowing would be there. Like me taking a job I never thought I would take. Then a friend suggesting I investigate a possible promotion. Then me making a phone call to Regent University (my grad school of choice) and learning that the perfect program was available for me to complete in a year.

Four-too-eh-tuss

And my baby boy is getting ready to make his way into the world. I can feel his little feet now if I search with my hand. Today I used my fingers to bop his heel (or his elbow) and could feel it swish forward and back. I love the feeling that I can initiate touching him now.

Let's see, what else? God has provided finances where there have been none, opportunities to open the door to friendships that have been closed off for years, and people telling me about free stuff that may be available for me and the baby, and, and, and... I think that's all.

Don't get me wrong, there have been challenges this week as well. I'm hecka nervous about my future work schedule and how I'm going to juggle it all, but I'm trying to surrender it. And Jose's work schedule is also sketchy. I also have something on my mind that's disgruntling me that I need to write about soonish, probably while I'm staying at this place that has a computer with a keyboard that's not missing any keys. I may disgruntle a few of you as well with my opinion on the matter but I need to let the expectation go that I can make all my adoring fans happy all the time.

So enjoy the panoramic snapshot into my life. This was brought to you by falling asleep before Jose, being woken up by him later, and not wanting to go back to bed.